Still Stuffing - Clean Slate # 4
BMI: Overweight
How I'm feeling about my journey: 😏 Curious
Although I've been making much healthier choices when it comes to my snacks and meals over the past couple of days, I've noticed that my attitude toward eating seems to be exactly the same as it's always been: I'm thinking about food often and when I finally get it into my hands, I'm catching myself stuffing it into my mouth as quickly as possible. I feel frantic. It's almost as though an alien has taken over my body (an alien of a teenage boy or a pregnant woman) and I've lost all control of my ability to administer proper responsibilities to my own mind and mouth.
I was curious about how this behavior has become seemingly automatic in me, and so yesterday I went searching Google to try to find an answer. I searched several sentences that included the key word 'stuffing'. Most of what came up were articles about binge eating disorder (also referred to as compulsive overeating), a very serious eating disorder in which sufferers pack in large quantities of food, even days worth of calories, in one sitting. I thought that behavior kind of sounded like me, but then I read some testimonials from sufferers who admitted that they would wait for their family to go to bed at night and then would secretly wolf down a whole loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and then hide the containers so they wouldn't be found out by their loved ones come morning. Maybe that didn't sound as much like me after all, I thought.
I continued my search and read some articles about 'eating feelings', an idea that people eat uncontrollably in order to stuff down difficult feelings. That, too, didn't seem to describe the phenomenon I was experiencing. I have always been diligent in working through my feelings, often with a counselor, other times with a trusted friend or family member, and other times alone through prayer and journaling. I don't eat my feelings, I thought.
Nothing I read seemed to hit the nail right on the head in describing my behavior and so I had to dig deeper within myself to try to come to an understanding of what was happening inside when I was stuffing food into my body so quickly.
I contemplated whether instead of eating my feelings, I might rather be eating my state of being, which, by my own admission, is often anxious, busy, and distracted. I'll finally sit down to meal time (my favorite activity) and the next thing I know, I'm halfway finished and haven't enjoyed a single bite of my food because I'm thinking about my work day, or my friend's troubles, or the next thing on my to-do list, or honestly, any number of other things that have nothing to do with enjoying a meal. I've noticed that I also seem to forget to savor meals more often when I eat while watching TV. When my attention is split between my food, my thoughts, and the program I'm watching, I'm unable to stay present to enjoy the flavors and decadence I've been craving because I'm dividing my focus among so many other things at the same time. It's unsatisfying to me to eat this way and therefore, when the meal is gone, I continue to obsess over the need to have more and more food to try to attain satisfaction.
I believe it would benefit me a lot to slow down and ground myself before I begin eating meals. If I could quiet some of the distraction that happens within my mind, I would have more focus for the task at hand. And furthermore, I would benefit by eating without the distraction of anything else outside of my mind, such as the TV. If I could really focus solely on the pleasure of eating while I'm doing it, I truly believe I wouldn't need to consume such large quantities of food in order to feel content.
These findings are going to be added as new boundaries for me on my journey. I will add others as needed in the future as well. It does seem quite extreme to have to go about my life with such strictness, but I'm desperate to overcome this battle I'm living! If I'm ever going to overcome the bad habits I've built over the last 34 years, I need to get back to the basics of eating.
MY BOUNDARIES (updated):
1. Avoid refined sugars (except those found in dressings and sauces, used minimally)
2. Limit gluten, choose gluten alternatives when available
3. Limit dairy & eat low fat when available
4. Limit packaged & processed foods
5. Choose whole grains vs. enriched grains
6. Continue avoiding caffeine & alcohol entirely
7. No eating in front of the TV
8. Settle mind through prayer & breathing before meals
How I'm feeling about my journey: 😏 Curious
Although I've been making much healthier choices when it comes to my snacks and meals over the past couple of days, I've noticed that my attitude toward eating seems to be exactly the same as it's always been: I'm thinking about food often and when I finally get it into my hands, I'm catching myself stuffing it into my mouth as quickly as possible. I feel frantic. It's almost as though an alien has taken over my body (an alien of a teenage boy or a pregnant woman) and I've lost all control of my ability to administer proper responsibilities to my own mind and mouth.
I was curious about how this behavior has become seemingly automatic in me, and so yesterday I went searching Google to try to find an answer. I searched several sentences that included the key word 'stuffing'. Most of what came up were articles about binge eating disorder (also referred to as compulsive overeating), a very serious eating disorder in which sufferers pack in large quantities of food, even days worth of calories, in one sitting. I thought that behavior kind of sounded like me, but then I read some testimonials from sufferers who admitted that they would wait for their family to go to bed at night and then would secretly wolf down a whole loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and then hide the containers so they wouldn't be found out by their loved ones come morning. Maybe that didn't sound as much like me after all, I thought.
I continued my search and read some articles about 'eating feelings', an idea that people eat uncontrollably in order to stuff down difficult feelings. That, too, didn't seem to describe the phenomenon I was experiencing. I have always been diligent in working through my feelings, often with a counselor, other times with a trusted friend or family member, and other times alone through prayer and journaling. I don't eat my feelings, I thought.
Nothing I read seemed to hit the nail right on the head in describing my behavior and so I had to dig deeper within myself to try to come to an understanding of what was happening inside when I was stuffing food into my body so quickly.
I contemplated whether instead of eating my feelings, I might rather be eating my state of being, which, by my own admission, is often anxious, busy, and distracted. I'll finally sit down to meal time (my favorite activity) and the next thing I know, I'm halfway finished and haven't enjoyed a single bite of my food because I'm thinking about my work day, or my friend's troubles, or the next thing on my to-do list, or honestly, any number of other things that have nothing to do with enjoying a meal. I've noticed that I also seem to forget to savor meals more often when I eat while watching TV. When my attention is split between my food, my thoughts, and the program I'm watching, I'm unable to stay present to enjoy the flavors and decadence I've been craving because I'm dividing my focus among so many other things at the same time. It's unsatisfying to me to eat this way and therefore, when the meal is gone, I continue to obsess over the need to have more and more food to try to attain satisfaction.
I believe it would benefit me a lot to slow down and ground myself before I begin eating meals. If I could quiet some of the distraction that happens within my mind, I would have more focus for the task at hand. And furthermore, I would benefit by eating without the distraction of anything else outside of my mind, such as the TV. If I could really focus solely on the pleasure of eating while I'm doing it, I truly believe I wouldn't need to consume such large quantities of food in order to feel content.
These findings are going to be added as new boundaries for me on my journey. I will add others as needed in the future as well. It does seem quite extreme to have to go about my life with such strictness, but I'm desperate to overcome this battle I'm living! If I'm ever going to overcome the bad habits I've built over the last 34 years, I need to get back to the basics of eating.
MY BOUNDARIES (updated):
1. Avoid refined sugars (except those found in dressings and sauces, used minimally)
2. Limit gluten, choose gluten alternatives when available
3. Limit dairy & eat low fat when available
4. Limit packaged & processed foods
5. Choose whole grains vs. enriched grains
6. Continue avoiding caffeine & alcohol entirely
7. No eating in front of the TV
8. Settle mind through prayer & breathing before meals
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