Cleaning Plates - Clean Slate # 5
😌 Successful
Hubbins invited me out for a date last night. This is very special time for the two of us, as he and I both work full time and he is also currently going to school full time. This means that we don't get quality time together nearly as often as we'd like to.
I really struggled with this over the past several semesters of Shawn's studies. I was feeling lonely and taken for granted while sitting around waiting for him to pay me some attention. I needed intimacy with my husband and I was relying on the only one I have to give it to me. It's not like I could just run out and find marital intimacy it with someone else, including my friends.
This semester has felt different. Partly due to his efforts at setting aside specific special time for the two of us and partly due to my having to change my perspective about the sacrifices that we both need to be willing to make in order to secure a better future for ourselves and our someday children.
So last night, I dolled myself up (as much as I do, which isn't much) and I headed out to meet Shawn at a new restaurant near his office. It's a funky little Vietnamese place that prides itself on it's fresh produce and patiently marinated meats. I was suffering a little scratchy throat situation and therefore decided to go for a soothing order of wanton pho. I was excited to try someplace new, but was also feeling a little like I was cheating on my regular pho chefs at the other restaurant that I often order it from closer to home.
I'm not sure if it was the new atmosphere or the excitement of trying different than our usual routine, but when our order arrived to our table, I was feeling very satisfied already. Perhaps I was simply content over being out on the date all together. Shawn had ordered some 'crispy imperial rolls' (basically egg rolls, but with chicken and sea food stuffed inside) and we shared those as an appetizer. They were fantastically fresh and so delicious! I so slowly enjoyed my 3 pieces (a total of 1 and a half rolls) that I hadn't even finished them before my big bowl of soup arrived to the table. Without thinking about it, I took my time to finish my last piece of egg roll and then to perfectly dress my pho with basil, bean sprouts, jalapeno, and a squirt of lime before finally digging in for the first bite. As I began eating, I made a mental note of how unlike me it was to have spent such time with my food before just maniacally scarfing it down. It felt pleasing to exercise even a small ounce of control over my eating.
We ate and chatted some and by the time Shawn was finished with his meal, I ended up only being about half way through mine. I stopped for a moment to consider my stomach's physical state. Was it full yet? It felt pretty well satiated, however, having plenty of experience with the way soup can trick you into feeling more full than you actually are because of the volume of all of the broth, I decided I'd have a few more bites so that I wouldn't end up feeling hungry in the middle of the movie we were about to go see. When it was time to head out, I still had nearly half of my soup left sitting in front of me. This is an extremely rare occurrence in my world! I am a plate cleaner. I always have been. When there is food sitting within my reach, I will pick and pick at it until every last bite is devoured - even if I'd been feeling full well beforehand!
This was a good experience that made me begin to question my habit of cleaning my plate. I wonder what is it exactly that makes leaving food behind so difficult for me. Why do I struggle so much to sit near food and not consume it? And should I begin practicing leaving a few bites uneaten just as an attempt to challenge this habit? I don't yet have the answers to all of those questions. But I will certainly be contemplating them over the next 360 days of this wild ride I'm taking.
I'd love to hear your own experiences with the temptation to clean your plate. Does anyone else struggle with this? Have you figured out what triggers you to behave this way? Can you share any strategies for overcoming the temptation to keep eating even after you're already full?
Please share your stories with me in the comments section below!
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