Staying Positive About Addiction - Clean Slate # 6
BMI: Overweight (and closer yet to goal!)
How I'm feeling about my journey: 😃 Enlightened
I've been to enough addiction recovery program meetings and known enough sober addicts to understand that addiction is not only a physical ailment, but also an ailment of the mind. In the past when I've heard an addict describe the thinking that has propelled them to use, I have been able to identify with the sentiments they convey in the way I have abused food. 12 step goers will talk about how the program taught them that God had to "remove the obsession" to use before they were able to stay sober. This terminology is something I did not hear in the over-eaters meeting I'd attended last year, but that I feel like I understand fully. So much of my struggle with food is within the constant thinking about what I can fill up on next, sometimes even before I'm through consuming my initial craving.
Yesterday, after discussing the idea of substance abuse relapse with my husband and all the behind the scenes things that are included in the breaking of sobriety (as far as the health of the individual emotionally, mentally, and physically), I started to wonder if relapse was actually what I was experiencing every time I lost control over my eating habits. Was I facing the same psychological fall out that any other abuser faces during relapse? The conversation caused me to become curious about what the research says about how relapse effects future sobriety.
I consulted my good friend, Google, to try to gain some insight on the subject. Lots of articles arose about the guilt and shame that occur in the abuser after a relapse. These emotions are difficult to make amends with, but it is specifically the feeling of shame that will often cause an abuser who's made a simple slip up to fall back into a full blown addiction. The research is clear that while guilt and regret can be motivators to make positive changes moving forward, shame tends to have the opposite effect.
The difference between guilt and shame is that guilt causes remorse over bad behavior and is something that ultimately can be controlled by the abuser in the future, while shame causes a belief that exhibiting bad behavior means that the abuser them self is bad and therefore they ultimately have no control over making improvements. Shame throws abusers into a vicious cycle wherein destructive thinking then paves the path for destructive behavior, thus causing more intense and/or more frequent destructive thinking and, therefore, more destructive behavior in order to attempt to avoid dealing with the difficult emotions. It's counterproductive in the long run, however, the cycles of using allow the abuser to disconnect from this emotional pain at least for a short time.
I have seen how shame has played into my own sufferings time and time again. I would have the best of intentions to eat healthy, or to follow a specific meal or diet plan, only to fall to the temptation to dabble outside of my boundaries or to go on an all out binge once again. Afterward, I would be filled with such remorse. I would feel as though I had failed and I would fall into a trap of self loathing and disappointment. Sometimes I would even use my one slip up as a justification to withdraw all efforts toward my goals and to succumb to my cravings and destructive behavior entirely.
Another interesting and relative idea that came up in my research was that of self efficacy. Self efficacy is a term used by psychologists to describe an individual's belief in their own ability to succeed in specific situations or to accomplish a task. I can remember my own experiences with this in the past: as I'd resolved to make changes time and time again, but then witnessed my own inability to employ those changes, it weighed on my conscience and caused me to feel vulnerable and weak. Over the years of failure, I had become doubtful that I could be successful with my food and eating goals and my doubt then caused me to feel defeated and hopeless - yet more difficult emotions to sit with.
Today, however, is a new day. Another clean slate for me to continue working toward growth and change and I am beginning to understand how important it is to keep a healthy state of mind if I'm going to be successful. While physical addiction is relatively quick to overcome, psychological addiction is a process that isn't measurable by time. It takes purposeful mindfulness and self discovery and an attitude of persistence and self forgiveness to walk the long road of emotional healing. The grace that's granted through forgiveness is what is able to build insurance for sobriety and I plan to practice it over and over again until I am able to live well, free of the chains of addiction.
How I'm feeling about my journey: 😃 Enlightened
I've been to enough addiction recovery program meetings and known enough sober addicts to understand that addiction is not only a physical ailment, but also an ailment of the mind. In the past when I've heard an addict describe the thinking that has propelled them to use, I have been able to identify with the sentiments they convey in the way I have abused food. 12 step goers will talk about how the program taught them that God had to "remove the obsession" to use before they were able to stay sober. This terminology is something I did not hear in the over-eaters meeting I'd attended last year, but that I feel like I understand fully. So much of my struggle with food is within the constant thinking about what I can fill up on next, sometimes even before I'm through consuming my initial craving.
Yesterday, after discussing the idea of substance abuse relapse with my husband and all the behind the scenes things that are included in the breaking of sobriety (as far as the health of the individual emotionally, mentally, and physically), I started to wonder if relapse was actually what I was experiencing every time I lost control over my eating habits. Was I facing the same psychological fall out that any other abuser faces during relapse? The conversation caused me to become curious about what the research says about how relapse effects future sobriety.
I consulted my good friend, Google, to try to gain some insight on the subject. Lots of articles arose about the guilt and shame that occur in the abuser after a relapse. These emotions are difficult to make amends with, but it is specifically the feeling of shame that will often cause an abuser who's made a simple slip up to fall back into a full blown addiction. The research is clear that while guilt and regret can be motivators to make positive changes moving forward, shame tends to have the opposite effect.
The difference between guilt and shame is that guilt causes remorse over bad behavior and is something that ultimately can be controlled by the abuser in the future, while shame causes a belief that exhibiting bad behavior means that the abuser them self is bad and therefore they ultimately have no control over making improvements. Shame throws abusers into a vicious cycle wherein destructive thinking then paves the path for destructive behavior, thus causing more intense and/or more frequent destructive thinking and, therefore, more destructive behavior in order to attempt to avoid dealing with the difficult emotions. It's counterproductive in the long run, however, the cycles of using allow the abuser to disconnect from this emotional pain at least for a short time.
I have seen how shame has played into my own sufferings time and time again. I would have the best of intentions to eat healthy, or to follow a specific meal or diet plan, only to fall to the temptation to dabble outside of my boundaries or to go on an all out binge once again. Afterward, I would be filled with such remorse. I would feel as though I had failed and I would fall into a trap of self loathing and disappointment. Sometimes I would even use my one slip up as a justification to withdraw all efforts toward my goals and to succumb to my cravings and destructive behavior entirely.
Another interesting and relative idea that came up in my research was that of self efficacy. Self efficacy is a term used by psychologists to describe an individual's belief in their own ability to succeed in specific situations or to accomplish a task. I can remember my own experiences with this in the past: as I'd resolved to make changes time and time again, but then witnessed my own inability to employ those changes, it weighed on my conscience and caused me to feel vulnerable and weak. Over the years of failure, I had become doubtful that I could be successful with my food and eating goals and my doubt then caused me to feel defeated and hopeless - yet more difficult emotions to sit with.
Today, however, is a new day. Another clean slate for me to continue working toward growth and change and I am beginning to understand how important it is to keep a healthy state of mind if I'm going to be successful. While physical addiction is relatively quick to overcome, psychological addiction is a process that isn't measurable by time. It takes purposeful mindfulness and self discovery and an attitude of persistence and self forgiveness to walk the long road of emotional healing. The grace that's granted through forgiveness is what is able to build insurance for sobriety and I plan to practice it over and over again until I am able to live well, free of the chains of addiction.
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