LIFE SANS STYLE

How I'm feeling about my journey: 😓 Burdoned It's been nearly a month since I've written here.  I got a bit derailed after realizing how overwhelming it felt to try to get a post out every day.  So I took my ambitions in the opposite direction and made no posts at all! This is typical for me.  Lots of things are simply black and white in my mind.  I argue that this serves me in some kind of positive way, namely in giving me a secure direction under any given circumstance.  However, I think it rather causes me grief where maybe I shouldn't have to be suffering grief at all. While I've been absent, I've managed to mostly follow the rules I'd written about my dieting...no, that's not really true.  I think I actually broke all but ONE rule (the 'no eating sugar' one).  The longer I've stayed away from here (my accountability tool), the more and more I felt willing to cheat my rules.  It started with accidentally watching TV while eating a sn

BMI: Overweight (and closer yet to goal!) How I'm feeling about my journey: 😃 Enlightened I've been to enough addiction recovery program meetings and known enough sober addicts to understand that addiction is not only a physical ailment, but also an ailment of the mind.  In the past when I've heard an addict describe the thinking that has propelled them to use, I have been able to identify with the sentiments they convey in the way I have abused food.  12 step goers will talk about how the program taught them that God had to "remove the obsession" to use before they were able to stay sober.  This terminology is something I did not hear in the over-eaters meeting I'd attended last year, but that I feel like I understand fully.  So much of my struggle with food is within the constant thinking about what I can fill up on next, sometimes even before I'm through consuming my initial craving. Yesterday, after discussing the idea of substance abuse relapse

How I'm feeling about my journey: 😌 Successful Hubbins invited me out for a date last night.  This is very special time for the two of us, as he and I both work full time and he is also currently going to school full time.  This means that we don't get quality time together nearly as often as we'd like to. I really struggled with this over the past several semesters of Shawn's studies.  I was feeling lonely and taken for granted while sitting around waiting for him to pay me some attention.  I needed intimacy with my husband and I was relying on the only one I have to give it to me.  It's not like I could just run out and find marital intimacy it with someone else, including my friends. This semester has felt different.  Partly due to his efforts at setting aside specific special time for the two of us and partly due to my having to change my perspective about the sacrifices that we both need to be willing to make in order to secure a better future for our

BMI: Overweight How I'm feeling about my journey: 😏 Curious Although I've been making much healthier choices when it comes to my snacks and meals over the past couple of days, I've noticed that my attitude toward eating seems to be exactly the same as it's always been: I'm thinking about food often and when I finally get it into my hands, I'm catching myself stuffing it into my mouth as quickly as possible.  I feel frantic.  It's almost as though an alien has taken over my body (an alien of a teenage boy or a pregnant woman) and I've lost all control of my ability to administer proper responsibilities to my own mind and mouth. I was curious about how this behavior has become seemingly automatic in me, and so yesterday I went searching Google to try to find an answer.  I searched several sentences that included the key word 'stuffing'.  Most of what came up were articles about binge eating disorder (also referred to as compulsive overeating)

BMI: Overweight (moving closer to goal) How I'm feeling about my journey: 😊 Anticipatory At 3 days into this intervention journey, I've already made some pretty big accomplishments!  Last night was our church community group night.  I'd eaten reasonably all day - smart portions and healthy choices - and yet, I was still feeling really constricted in my clothes when I got dressed to leave for group.  It was a good reminder of how much work I had ahead of me to try to get my weight back down to a comfortable size.  I'd tried lots of other things to keep me focused on my goals in the past, but the way my clothes fit was always the strongest of my accountability partners and I was about to learn that my 'boundaries' list would be another reliable help to being successful on this journey. At group, we celebrated one of our member's birthdays and when I walked into the host's house, I was greeted by familiar faces and a familiar tempting situation: desse

BMI: Overweight How I'm feeling about my journey: 😀 HOPEFUL I've read that the best way to set goals and actually attain them is to clearly define parameters in the beginning.  This will be my task for today. The main objective for this entire process is to teach myself how to eat by focusing on health as opposed to satisfaction.  I'm learning that satisfaction can be an alluring, yet fleeting state.  Flavors and textures can be so succulent and seductive while they're rolling around over the 10,000 tastes buds that compose my human tongue, but as soon as the food moves past it and begins heading into my stomach, all of the fun and excitement is already over and all of the feelings of guilt and regret begin to set in.  In the aftermath of my binges, I am left wallowing in shame and disgust, feeling weak and defeated and ever so remorseful! You would think that all of that heavy emotion would be enough to deter me from going down a similar road ever again, but

How I'm feeling about my journey: 😰 CONVICTED February seems like a good time to check in on New Year's resolutions: At the turn of the new year, I hadn't made many goals for 2018, since I had been suffering some difficult health issues consisting of joint pain and severe fatigue for much of 2017. It's hard to set goals when you're struggling to even get off the couch. But January unfolded as a month of improvement as I began feeling better and better after kicking my caffeine habit.  I'm starting to learn how my body is using it's energy naturally and while my ailments aren't entirely gone by any stretch of the imagination, I have had quite a few great days so far this year.  Good enough that now I'm feeling hungry to set some new  goals for myself. Last year, I had a major goal to address my food addiction once and for all.  Food has been a powerful temptation and struggle for me for most of my life, causing my weight to fluctuate betwee